Person’s Story

My story is hard to tell. I have so many but, still trying to maintain strength, positivity and love. So I had 3 amazing children. My oldest child Tyrell. (Ty) when I needed him quick lol. His heart was so big, all he wanted to do was love everyone. He stood up for those weaker than himself. Doated on his younger sister and brother. Their father walked out for another and left us with nothing. And abandoned his beautiful son. I tried and worked at times 3 jobs to support my children. Then I met an amazing man. Ian loved my children like his own, we became a family. I struggled with depression and anxiety. Throughout my life. When the biological father left. It hit hard about 3 Months later. My Tyrell was there to keep me going or just Lay beside me as I struggled with life. He would bring me beautiful wild orange lilies. That he would pick in the woods near by. ( these are still my favourite today. And yes my husband will still do this as a gift and reminder of Tyrell. As you are probably realizing. My son is no longer with us in this world. You see he fell victim to the depression as well. He was too proud and strong to share is fears and grief as many do. On sept 20th. 2008 At the age of 16. He took his life. I will never truly know why. Leaving myself, my husband. Daughter and son. To always have questions that will never be answered until we see him again. Which I have to believe we will. I still battle on and off with thoughts of sadness and depression. But you see he still helps me. As I made a solemn vow to allow him to “ live through my eyes and love through my heart. . We were blessed to have a friend purchase a star in his honour. It is in the right wing of the Phoenix consolation. It is a hard constellation to find but on days I need strength it seems to appear easily to me. ( a sign I think) This reminds me that even with this tragedy I can rise from the ashes and do things for myself my family and him. This is why my profile picture is a Phoenix. Only I and some know why. My husband. Drank his grieve away or tried. He almost died as well but we managed yet another time To over come adversity and he has been sober for 10 years now. My daughter has given me a beautiful grand son. His middle name is after her brother. And I will Again with gods blessing receive another grandson in August. So there is happiness to be found amongst our horrific grief. This is what keeps me fighting the fight. For those that struggle in regards to knowing suicide in anyway. Stay strong reach out. There are so many that truly care. I’m one of them. I’m not sure if I want a sad song or one of strength so to speak. I’m trusting with do something amazing.